June 7 2013
Sex and Intimacy Tips from Uncle Sam
The Nanny state has taken it upon itself to do something that was once the prerogative of parents: telling your daughters about sex and dating.
Only girls have the unparelled opportunity of learning about life's deepest intimacies courtesy of the United States government.
And I’m going out on a limb, Gentle Reader, and bet that .gov is talking to young lasses about sex in a way quite different from how you might address the matter.
This, for example, is how .gov advises young girls on sexual feelings and dating:
Starting to date, thinking about romance, and feeling attraction all can be incredibly cool — and a little overwhelming. As you start thinking about love and sex, don’t forget to focus on feeling good about yourself. Take good care of your body. If you have questions, talk to your parent or guardian, doctor, or another trusted adult. And don’t do anything that makes you uncomfortable. You’ll probably remember these exciting days for many years to come, and you want to remember them happily!
As you start dating, think about what you’re looking for. A solid relationship starts with being with someone who supports you, trusts you, and appreciates you for who you really are. You want someone who deserves you!
And here is something I didn’t expect my government to be saying to girls:
When people say “sex,” they usually mean sexual intercourse, or a man putting his penis in a woman’s vagina. But even if you don’t have sex and are thinking about other types of sexual contact, like touching your partner’s genitals, you want to make sure you’re taking good care of yourself. These are very personal acts and are worth thinking about in a serious way. Also keep in mind that it is possible to get pregnant if a boy ejaculates (“comes”) on the outside of your vagina. And remember that you can get some STIs from oral sex or from genital-to-genital contact that isn’t intercourse. Above all, don’t do anything sexual that doesn’t feel right to you.
How did I make it through middle school without hearing from Big Gov that “it is possible to get pregnant if a boy ejaculates ('comes') on the outside of your vagina”?
The government also offers helpful tips to young girls who might be considering becoming lesbians:
If you are going to have sex with another girl, keep in mind that women who have sex with women are at risk for many of the same STIs as women who have sex with men. Also, if you are a lesbian, it’s a good idea to talk to your doctor about protecting your overall health. Lesbians are more likely to have certain health problems, like obesity, smoking, and depression, so make sure you learn how to stay healthy and strong.
This kind of sexual advice from the government obviously undermines the family. It has traditionally in this country been up to parents to tell children about sex and to accompany such information with values embraced by the family. If a girl doesn’t have parents, then she might do better to talk to a minister, other relative, or physician than to seek such information from the government.
This takes the “Life of Julia” infomercial to the next level.